The Spice Girls: Where are they now?

So, with The Spice Girls due to be announcing a comeback tour anytime this week, I thought it would be nice to take a little look down memory lane, and find out the answers everyone is just dying to know: Where are they now?

Posh Spice aka Victoria Beckham: Since The Spice Girls, Victoria shacked up with some footballer called David. She obviously can't afford to eat, as she now weighs less than a bag of sugar, aptly earning her the title of "Bulimic Spice"

Sporty Spice, or Melanie C, as she's now known. Since The Spice Girls, Mel C has become less-and-less sporty, she now weighs a whopping 572 pounds, and needs to be hosed down in the morning, Mel is now no longer a "She", as she has recently completed a series of gender re-alignment surgery, and is now an out-gay-man called Marlon.

Scary Spice: Since The Spice Girls, Scary Spice has developed some nasty lesbian tendencies, of which I don't care to share. She had a baby with The Nutty Professor, and has appeared on MTV's cribs. She now has 17 children, is living on a council estate, and is claiming state benefits.

Baby Spice: Since leaving the Spice Girls and starting her periods, she discovered what "sex" was, and began charging for it!! - She'll let you take her up the exhaust pipe for a tenner!!! - She's now known as "Anal Spice", and is doing better than all the others could have ever imagined for her!!!

Ginger Spice: Since The Spice Girls, Geri has befriended nearly every gay man in existence, she just will not leave them alone!! George Michael, Elton John etc etc.
Geri had a child with a millionaire, but for some reason has refused him access, which leads me to believe that she should be re-named to "Spazzy Spice"

Unless there's a Spice Girl I've forgotten about, that is basically a complete run-down of all your favorite Spicies, and where they are to this very day!!

I should probably bugger off for the evening, now ;-)