Posted by Adam

Tuesday September 29, 2009

Patrick Swayze sank into a state of “anger, bitterness and despair” when he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.

The Dirty Dancing actor — who lost his battle with the disease earlier this month aged 57 — struggled to deal with the news he was unlikely to live more than a few months.

In audiotapes from his new book Time of My Life — written with his wife Lisa Niemi — he said, “When my doctors at Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles said the words ‘pancreatic cancer’, a single thought popped into my head, ‘I’m a dead man.’

“Now, a lot of things go through your head when you get a death sentence handed to you, starting with, ‘Why me?’ It’s hard not to sink into bitterness. For me, that initial shock quickly turned into self-criticism and blame.”

Once the actor — who was diagnosed in January 2008 — stopped blaming himself for his illness, he vowed to keep fighting the disease.

“I was not ready to go, and I’d be damned if this disease was going to take me before I was good and ready,” he said. “So I said to my doctor, ‘Show me where the enemy is and I’ll fight him.’

“It was the most challenging, eye-opening battle I’ve ever had.”

Shortly before his death, Patrick insisted he wasn’t ready to give up on his career.

“Whenever someone asks me what my legacy is, I say the same thing. I’m not finished yet,” he said.

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