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Patrick Swayze’s Wife Lisa Niemi Still Struggling With Actor’s Death

Posted by Adam

Saturday October 31, 2009

Patrick Swayze and Lisa NiemiPATRICK Swayze‘s wife Lisa Niemi admits she’s still struggling to deal with the actor’s passing — revealing “I feel like he hasn’t left”.

Swayze died September 14 after losing his battle with pancreatic cancer. He was 57.

Speaking to Oprah Winfrey in her first interview since Swayze’s death, Niemi recalled her husband’s final days and revealed the couple never talked about him dying.

“We were too positive,” she says. Swayze wanted to believe in God and Heaven but also had doubts. “He had this very realistic side,” says Niemi. “He said, ‘I can’t be 100 percent sure, but I’m going to find out.’”

“When we first had the diagnosis, I cried in front of him,” she told Winfrey. “I said, ‘This is the one time I’m going to do this…’

“When he looked at me and looked in my eyes, I wanted him to know he was going to be OK, no matter what,” she continued. “Both of us had to deal with this illness, but he’s the one that was going to pay the ultimate price.”

On the day he died, Patrick was “very comfortable,” Niemi said, noting that she was by his side the entire time. “I was afraid to leave his side, and luckily I was so happy I was there,” she told Winfrey.

Since his passing, Lisa said she still feels Patrick around her.

“I feel him here. I feel like he hasn’t left. I can feel every contour of his hand in mine,” she said.

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  • Leigh

    I welcome Lisa to the wonderful world of grief. I lost my spouse to cancer three years ago at age 51. We had been married 24 years. At the time, our daughters were young adults, the youngest having just started college. My husband and I were just getting to the stage of having money and time to travel and start planning seriously for retirement. We were going to have a paid-for house by age 60. Now I am back in college working on a master’s degree, wondering if I will be able to find a better job at my age, particularly with the economy as it is. I used to not worry about health insurance, but since our coverage was through my late husband’s employment, I lost that not long after he died. With a pre-ex condition, I have only one option for health care — a group plan tied to work. (Don’t talk to me about choice in the current health care system — like millions of other people, I have no choice.)

    At least Lisa probably has lots of money. However, it is common for the friends (particularly the married ones) to disappear after the death of a spouse. They don’t know how to relate to you now as a single person.

    Not to be a complete downer, I have to say that I appreciate life much more now, understanding how fragile it is and how everything you count on can be gone in no time. So I urge everyone to value the people in your life and what you have. Also, don’t get to attached to “things”. Focus on relationships rather than collecting lots of stuff.

    Peace and blessings to Lisa and all the other widows/widowers out there.

  • Judy

    My heart goes out to Lisa,,I lost my husband of 40 years a year ago with that horriable diease,,,cancer is so aggressive,so hateful,,,I always thought my husband and I would enjoy retirement together ,,but he is gone and I have had to apply for food stamps and will probably loose my home ,,you not only loose the love of your life but life as you know it is gone also nothing is the same

  • Susan

    I lost my husband to brain cancer on October 10, 2009. Its a terrrible disease that takes a huge tole on the person and their family. My husband died at home surrounded by all who loved him. I am 56 and thank goodness my children are adults. Its so hard to accept that my husband is gone, but there are things worse that death. I understand where Lisa is at the moment. Although life will never be the same, she had the opportunity to love a wonderful, and complex man. She is fortunate.

  • Jerry Tingle

    Really enjoyed Patrick’s acting and more than that to see such a couple with a close long lasting love.

    You may rest assured, heaven is real.

  • Roxanne

    Please let Lisa know that what she is going through is perfectly normal. I lost my dad to Cancer 25 years ago, and my Mom I found dead in bed 2.5 years ago almost. The first year is the hardest to get through, trust me. You always will miss them being there physically, but they are with you spiritually all the time. The easiest way to get through that first year is seek grievance counseling. Go to group meetings, and know you’re not alone. Talk about your loved one if it helps. You’re going to go through periods where you are angry at them for leaving you. This is normal too. Hope that can help a little bit.

  • http://anniegardnerwillis.ignitebiz.com Annie Willis

    God is with you Lisa,
    God never leave us nor forsake us. I pray for you more of God Comfort and love to carry you through. I lost my Daddy to lung cancer. I was by his side. The hardest moments was knowing that he will soon leave me. You see he struggled to breathe the whole time in the hospital, but he stated that he had long way to go, but a short time to get there. He let me know that the time was getting near that he would have to go, but he was trying to get his Soul right with God. He wanted the Word of God read to him at all times. He was repenting and calling on God as the Word of God was being read. I am a Believer. God is Real. Heaven is Real. I have always admired your Husband as a Actor and a person. He had such a air of a downhome country boy that love life and all people.I am a country girl and can relate to his mannerism, which I adored. You have that same mannerism. You all were meant for each other. He was your soulmate. You are very fortunate to meet your soulmate, your rib, which is rare. One day, we will never have to go through death again. Until then, be strong, hold on, everything will be alright after awhile. Much Love to You and your Family. Praying always, Annie

  • norma smith

    I too lost my husband of 30 yrs 5 yrs ago…that week he gave me a past present and future ring…on our 30th anniversary and for my birthday…I believe that it happened to me on his 49th birthday so I could help my sisters and my mom when their spouses died…I have showed them to live on in their memories…but I too have since remarried…I believe that since my husband is no longer here…that he sent an angel to bring my my present husband that is wonderful…I cherish ever y moment of my past…but I also take time to tell this husband how much I love him every moment…since I did not get to tell my husband that died…but he knows what I would have said…and I too feel his presence every day…of his angel watching over me…our past is why we are where we are today…as they are with us forever in our hearts….

  • Sherry

    My brother died 11 years ago. We siblings were close. His friend said he could feel him around. He said he could hear him say that he is fine, and “there is much work to do”. The friend said he could feel my brother convey that he has seen everyone from the family, who has passed, on the other side, and everyone is fine. I know they are close and are praying for us. When my brother was alive, a Japanese friend of his told him that they believe the ones who have passed stay with us for 47 days. The hard part is the waiting until we can be together again. The passage of time makes it easier to continue on, yet missing them stays with us always. Peace and comfort to you, Lisa. Patrick was a gift to the world.

  • Dennis Wolter

    I lost my wonderful wife of 45 years on September 12, 2009. It was just two days before Patrick Swayze passed. It was the horrible pancreatic cancer. It was so aggressive that she died less than a month after being diagnosed. I have all the symptons and grief issues that his widow is experiencing. She was my entire life, we enjoyed each and every moment together. The grief process is different for all of us but it does have some similar traits. Hopefully I can work thru this, but it is going to take a long, long time.

  • http://alifazi2000yahoo-fazi.blogspot.com fsamadali

    I am a muslim by faith, and I lost my mother four years ago,she died on old years day and we buried her on new years, we will never forget this day. we have three days prays for the dead and fourty days and one year prays and they do come,and the japanese man was not 100 % right,it is fourth days my mother snap on the fan for her fourty days prays so we could know that she is there. They do be from the home to the grave,from the crematory to the house,where ever the body is for fourty days, they are there with you
    even though you can see them, then the angle carry them to a place where all the dead is waiting for judgement day. They all come back for the one year. I know it thruth because I saw her in my dream and she talks to me some times. You can help them for there three ,fourty days and their one year by puting a glass of cold water
    and a few dates and some incense sticks for them. All faith have the day for their dead,and they keep coming and going all the time and you can keep doing offering for them every yearon their death date. I wrote this because i saw how hard it is for us to lose our loved ones, but at the end of the line we all belong to God and we all have to go back to him, at difference time that he has perscribe for us. Our life don’t even belong to us,our children, mother, father, sisters and brothers are all is in the hands of Gods. I hope this gives you all some peace of mind and some strenght to cope and go on living after losing a loved one.

  • Denise

    Dear Lisa,
    Everything you are thinking and feeling is absolutely normal. The reminders, doubts, second guessing..all normal. I wish someone had told me that 15 years ago when I lost my husband at 49 to cancer. I felt him, drempt about him (still do) and even had angry rants about his leaving me. I can promise you this, in time the pain will lessen and you will be able to accept Patrick’s passing. You will again be able to embrace the things you love, but please accept that the first year..maybe a few will be difficult. You have a lot going for you and will rebuild your life. Best wishes. Denise

  • Lori

    Lisa,
    I know how hard it is to lose your best friend and husband. I lost my husband of 33 years, March 12, 2009. We didn’t have children either and it is very hard to be without him. They say that it will get better over time, but after 7 months the pain of losing him is still there. The loneliness is terrible. I miss the little things, like his cup on the counter, shoes next to the couch and the smell of his after shave. It is the little things that creep up when we are most vulnerable that rattle you. My prayers and thoughts are with you. I wish you peace.

  • Dee

    Meditate and concentrate on the good times you spent with your spouse. I know how you are feeling and I wish there was something I could say to help make you feel happy in your grieving process; but that is exactly what it is: a process. The grieving will begin to dissapte gradually until one day you will be surprised that your loved one does not occupy your mind every minute of every day. My daughter died of pancreatic cancer 11 years ago. When I think of her it is not of the pain and agony she suffered, but of her smile, gentleness, her insatiable appetite for working with homeless people and her ability to coordinate mundane things into something looking beautiful. My son died 8 month ago from the hated diabetes. I still hear him at times calling out “Ma” to me. I have not yet completed grieving for him – I have visions of the agony he experienced from low & high blood count readings; the falling into comas; the periods when he felt so well when he did not want to take his meds. His failed kidney transplant which last only one year – all is still very vivid. I do comfort myself by knowing that I did all that I knew how to do for both of my children. I always told them how much I love them. In fact, they used to get tired of hearing me express my endearment. It makes me smile now because I can almost hear: “Aww Ma we know, we love you too”. It is said that the death of child is the hardest death to accept. I don’t know about that. I just know that my beautiful children are gracing God’s magnificent garden. I honor Him for allowing them to be a part of my life even for a short time.

  • MPW

    I too agree with most of the comments in that grieving the death of a loved one takes time and is different in degree for everyone. I felt so much pain when my mom died at such a young age and anger at myself for not being able to tell her one last time how much I loved her. The tragic way in which she died and that she was only 42 and I was 17 made it especially difficult.
    Mothers day and her birthday were very difficult and when I gave birth also. I do know that I will see her again on the other side one day and that gives me comfort. I try to tell my loved ones that I love them at every chance I get since I don’t know when it will be the last time. My thoughts and prayers are with you Lisa.

  • Lisa Dorrell

    Lisa ,
    I feel for you , I too lost a husband 3 yrs ago to cancer ,bladder and lung . He was 30 yrs older than me and we had 15 yrs together . I was with him as he passed and now I have gone thru this again . My mother in law ( I remarried) just passed away this week of a Brain tumor. We were with her as she died too. I told my husband that it is one of the most helpless feelings in the world.We took care of her at home and I spent alot of time with her. Grief is a difficult process. we all do it at our own pace. You will find yours. There is no right or wrong . Just what is right for you .
    Just know that he is in a better place. I had a near death experience as a teenager and I feel that God gave that to me to help me stop being afraid of death . There is no more pain , suffering , just joy like you have never known. He is whole again and perfect. You are in my thoughts

  • http://www.dhuni.co.uk Tamsin Blunt

    This is TOO sad. Patrick will live on for everyone through all the AMAZING work he did. Our thoughts are with Lisa now.