PATRICK Swayze declared “I’m a dead man” when he was told of his cancer diagnosis — according to the tragic actor’s widow, Lisa Niemi.

Niemi says Swayze — who lost his battle with pancreatic cancer in September this year — began preparing  for death the moment he receieved his diagnosis.

“He was having some indigestion problems and then noticed he had some jaundice,” Lisa told talk show host Larry King. “And we immediately got him in [to see a doctor]. And everything just kind of snowballed from there.

“I didn’t know a lot about pancreatic cancer at that point, but he did. And when he got that diagnosis, the first thing he said [was], ‘I’m a dead man.’

“It’s a really tough, tough, merciless disease, especially, you know, in the advanced stages, which he was diagnosed. For us, every day, every week was a supreme victory.”

Patrick’s younger brother, Donny Swayze, adds, “I was there when he found out that it had, indeed, metastasized to the liver, which, as you know, that’s even more of a death sentence. I was looking in my big brother’s eyes and he didn’t even flinch. I don’t know what was going through his mind, but after about 15 seconds, his eyes narrowed and he said, ‘Well, it’s time to jam. It’s time to get busy.’”

PATRICK Swayze’s grieving wife Lisa Niemi has revealed how she left him six years ago when her husband descended into a period of heavy drinking and “very dark thoughts.”

In an interview with Oprah Winfrey — her first since Patrick’s death in September — Niemi says she and Swayze spent most of 2003 living apart from each other.

“He was imploding pretty badly,” Lisa said. “I didn’t think he was going to live through it and I didn’t want to watch that.”

But the couple — who first met in 1970 when Swayze was 18 years old and Niemi, 14 — reconciled and regained their happiness — only to be tested again when the Dirty Dancing star was diagnosed 22 months ago with pancreatic cancer and was told he had three months to live.

“It was mind numbing,” Niemi says. When faced with the devastating information, “You think you’re going to get these terrific illuminations,” she says, but that didn’t happen. “I looked around and I said, ‘This is awful.’”

Niemi also revealed that she’s still struggling to come to terms with Swayze’s death. (continue)

PATRICK Swayze’s wife Lisa Niemi admits she’s still struggling to deal with the actor’s passing — revealing “I feel like he hasn’t left”.

Swayze died September 14 after losing his battle with pancreatic cancer. He was 57.

Speaking to Oprah Winfrey in her first interview since Swayze’s death, Niemi recalled her husband’s final days and revealed the couple never talked about him dying.

“We were too positive,” she says. Swayze wanted to believe in God and Heaven but also had doubts. “He had this very realistic side,” says Niemi. “He said, ‘I can’t be 100 percent sure, but I’m going to find out.’”

“When we first had the diagnosis, I cried in front of him,” she told Winfrey. “I said, ‘This is the one time I’m going to do this…’

“When he looked at me and looked in my eyes, I wanted him to know he was going to be OK, no matter what,” she continued. “Both of us had to deal with this illness, but he’s the one that was going to pay the ultimate price.”

On the day he died, Patrick was “very comfortable,” Niemi said, noting that she was by his side the entire time. “I was afraid to leave his side, and luckily I was so happy I was there,” she told Winfrey.

Since his passing, Lisa said she still feels Patrick around her.

“I feel him here. I feel like he hasn’t left. I can feel every contour of his hand in mine,” she said.

PATRICK Swayze’s widow Lisa Niemi has spoken publicly for the first time since the actor’s death — and insisted she “will see him again”.

Swayze died September 14 after losing his battle with pancreatic cancer. He was 57.

Niemi opened up about her loss Tuesday during a roundtable discussion on Grief, Healing and Resilience at the Women’s Conference 2009 in Long Beach, Calif.

“When the grief takes you, it’s like your body is not your own,” she said. “I’m just going with the flow. I know I have to go through it.”

Patrick and Lisa first met in 1970 when Swayze was 18 years old and Niemi, 14.

Niemi says she’s relied on a close group of friends to get through some of her darker hours.

“I have a few girlfriends that are just amazing. They have made themselves available to me 24/7. They say, ‘We don’t care if it’s 2 in the morning, call me’,” she said. “I was in the middle of a full-blown panic attack one evening … and I picked up the phone and called one, which is really hard for me to do because I’m used to being so self-sufficient and taking care of myself, but the very act of picking the phone up to call someone helped to calm me.”

“I’ve spent two thirds of my life with him … My regret is that I didn’t tell him that I loved him enough over that entire 34 years,” she said.

“I am so grateful for what I had and my connection to him, and part of me believes that I will see him again, and I’m just going to have to go on until then.”

PATRICK Swayze’s widow Lisa Niemi is set to break her silence on the her husband’s tragic death — six weeks after the actor lost his battle with pancreatic cancer.

Niemi has been lined up to participate in a roundtable discussion on Grief, Healing and Resilience at the Women’s Conference 2009 in Long Beach, Calif., next Tuesday, Oct. 27.

She will join Elizabeth Edwards and Susan St. James, both of whom suffered the loss of children in accidents.

The discussion will be moderated by California First Lady and Women’s Conference host Maria Shriver, who this summer lost her mother Eunice Shriver and uncle Ted Kennedy.

Swayze died September 14 at the age of 57.

Patrick and Lisa first met in 1970 when Swayze was 18 years old and Niemi, 14.

Lisa, 53, who married the Dirty Dancing star in 1975, has struggled to come to terms with her husband’s death.

“They had a deep love,” a source told America’s Star magazine last month. “She is so broken up. She was hoping for a miracle, and it never came.”

Patrick Swayze’s private memorial took place Sunday.

As guests arrived to the ceremony, which took place on the Sony Studios lot in Culver City, Calif., they were greeted by a lone white horse, which was owned and beloved by the late actor whose boots were facing backwards in the stirrups.

“It’s an old horseman tradition,” a source said.

The service — attended by several hundred friends and family, including Patrick’s Ghost costar Whoopi Goldberg — incorporated many photos of Swayze riding his horses, along with a video tribute to the Dirty Dancing star.

The memorial featured speeches celebrating Swayze’s life and a performance by professional dancers in honor of his talent.

“A whole dance floor was built,” says another source. “The dancers did these amazing numbers.”

The memorial was planned by the actor’s wife Lisa Niemi.

Swayze died on September 14 after losing his battle against pancreatic cancer. He was 57.

Patrick Swayze’s private memorial will be held on Sunday.

The Dirty Dancing actor died on September 14 after losing his battle against pancreatic cancer and his family and friends will pay tribute to him at the service which will be held at Sony Studios in Culver City, California.

His representative said, “In lieu of flowers, please make donations to either of the following two organizations – The Patrick Swayze Pancreas Cancer Research Fund or Stand Up to Cancer.”

Last September, Patrick helped Stand Up to Cancer raise money at the organisation’s TV charity event.

The private memorial follows a public event in the town of Lake Lure, North Carolina, where much of 1987 movie Dirty Dancing was filmed.

It took place earlier this month at Firefly Cove — known as Camp Chimney Rock when the movie was shot — and the ceremony was free to attend, although organizers asked attendees to donate money to the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network.

Patrick was cremated on September 17 and his ashes are currently being held at his lawyer’s office, according to his death certificate.

It is understood the remains will stay at the office until Patrick’s wife Lisa Niemi arranges for them to be moved.

Patrick Swayze sank into a state of “anger, bitterness and despair” when he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.

The Dirty Dancing actor — who lost his battle with the disease earlier this month aged 57 — struggled to deal with the news he was unlikely to live more than a few months.

In audiotapes from his new book Time of My Life — written with his wife Lisa Niemi — he said, “When my doctors at Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles said the words ‘pancreatic cancer’, a single thought popped into my head, ‘I’m a dead man.’

“Now, a lot of things go through your head when you get a death sentence handed to you, starting with, ‘Why me?’ It’s hard not to sink into bitterness. For me, that initial shock quickly turned into self-criticism and blame.”

Once the actor — who was diagnosed in January 2008 — stopped blaming himself for his illness, he vowed to keep fighting the disease.

“I was not ready to go, and I’d be damned if this disease was going to take me before I was good and ready,” he said. “So I said to my doctor, ‘Show me where the enemy is and I’ll fight him.’

“It was the most challenging, eye-opening battle I’ve ever had.”

Shortly before his death, Patrick insisted he wasn’t ready to give up on his career.

“Whenever someone asks me what my legacy is, I say the same thing. I’m not finished yet,” he said.

Dancing With The Stars aired a special tribute to the late Patrick Swayze during its episode Wednesday night.

They played a series of clips featuring Patrick and the actor’s face was projected on to the studio walls.

Patrick — known for his role in the 1987 film Dirty Dancing — died earlier this month after losing his battle with pancreatic cancer. He was 57.

The actor was a guest mentor on the first season of Dancing With The Stars in 2005.

In his new memoir, Swayze revealed that he was bullied at school because of his dancing. (continue)

Patrick Swayze longed to become a father.

In his new autobiography, the Dirty Dancing star — who died last week after losing his battle with pancreatic cancer — says he couldn’t wait to have children with his wife Lisa Niemi.

Swayze also revealed how the couple was left devastated when Niemi suffered a miscarriage three months into her pregnancy.

“I couldn’t wait to become a dad, to have a child with this woman I loved so dearly,” Swayze writes in The Time Of My Life. “And I wanted to be the best father I could be — the kind of father my dad had been to me.”

Recalling Lisa’s miscarriage, Patrick wrote, “I felt completely crushed with grief.

“We wanted to try again, but the loss had been so devastating that we just couldn’t do it right away. We figured we had plenty more years ahead of us.

“Eventually, we did start trying again hoping Lisa would get pregnant.

“But she never did.”